Setting Boundaries for Personal and Professional Growth: What I Wish I Knew Before 2020

Five years ago, I was living my 17-year-old self’s dream: living in the big city, supporting myself financially, going out after work, playing volleyball every summer (and sometimes in the winter too) and spending weekends catching up on Netflix, ready to recharge for the week ahead.

I spent most of my twenties and early thirties in full-blown “get shit done” mode. I thought success was about crushing targets, delivering more than what was asked, over communicating and controlling as much as possible so I didn’t have to “hope for the best”. And it worked — for a while.  I was the go-to person when something needed to get done. But under all that achievement was a slow, creeping burnout I didn’t see coming until 2020 literally ended my career and ended what I had to realize the hard way: my job was my entire identity, circle of acquaintances, and turns out the validation of my existence…whew ok.  

What I’ve learned since is this: boundaries aren’t barriers to success. They’re the foundation of sustainable, meaningful growth — both personally and professionally. Here's what setting boundaries has changed for me, and how you can start building your own.

You Can Be a High Performer and Have Limits at Work, But Don’t Forget It Shouldn’t Come at the Expense of a Personal Life

I used to enjoy turning off my work laptop and putting it away in my desk at the end of the day and hopping on the subway home knowing ZERO work is coming home with me. People would ask in stark disbelief and slight envy, “How the hell are you doing all of this and are not working at home?” I would just smile and respond, “I work smart, not hard. Work doesn’t get to be my whole life, ya know?”

Hilarious.

I was not lying; I truly believed that, but I was in denial that I was setting the proper boundaries on work. What I didn’t say was that having four times the amount of work than my peers, nurturing some of the best sales leads, hitting targets, delivering millions of dollars’ worth of a portfolio, playing nice despite the absolute impatience I had every day meant that I started to resent everyone instead of saying this is too much for one person.

Are you good at “working smart” too?

=self-abandoning to please everyone around me and maintain my identity and ego to maintain my hard-earned reputation

=not having patience with other peers who were in an “easier” position from my standpoint

=not eating enough or drinking enough water that my health started to decline

What exacerbated the lack of boundaries at work during this time was my inability to stay “this is too much for one person. It’s not about ability; it’s about capacity”.

I had set up and maintained the playing field that everything was FANTASTIC. In reality, I was exhausted but enjoyed the feeling of empowerment when it all worked out exactly as planned, as I said it would.

Start by noticing your own limits. When do you start to feel foggy or resentful? When do you snap at emails or avoid your inbox? When do you realize you don’t have plans outside of work-related people? When was the last time you had consistency of rest? When was the last time you took a step back and thought about fun things you want to do?

Start asking yourself the questions so you can identify the symptoms of the actual problem — they are not failures. Respond to them with compassion and ask for help when making an action plan.

Not Every Fire Is Yours to Put Out

Burnout often comes from the belief that everything is urgent and only you can solve it. I used to jump in to help colleagues even when I was too busy. I thought I was being helpful — and maybe I was — but I was also teaching everyone that I had no boundaries. Truthfully, my ego was stroked and it would validate what all this hard work was for. See! People see you as helpful, kind, thoughtful, supportive…all the things I was but if you don’t prove it or earn it, does it make it true? I used to think not. If you did something, but didn’t post about it, did it happen? I used to think not.

Setting boundaries with myself took time – I had to take a breath every time I saw the solution to a problem and not immediately volunteer it, I had to take a breath every time I wanted to emotionally react to a situation and knew it was inviting challenge, I had to take a breath every time my instinct was to squeeze more into my day and be real that the glory of sorting it out was not worth the disruption to my schedule.

Start practicing your new responses – both mental and physical so you can take the time you need to decide if this fire is something you can help put out. Don’t beat yourself up if you decide it is not.

People Respect Boundaries When You Respect Yourself

One of the hardest things about setting new boundaries was the fear of how others would perceive me. I was already recognized as someone who respected work boundaries (remember the laptop in desk at the end of every day?) What more could I want? How could I explain that these boundaries were not working anymore or extending to my personal life?

What I’ve learned since then is that no one actually cares. You are the only one who suffers if you do not change it and you deserve to change boundaries if they are not serving you anymore. Growth is real, new boundaries are expected and the more clearly you advocate for yourself, the more trust you build with others. My real boundaries are now a signal of stability and maturity, not selfishness.

Boundaries Make Space for Growth

Burnout narrows your vision. It makes everything feel like survival. With boundaries in place, I’ve regained the mental space to think creatively, to strategize, to lead. I’ve found time for personal development courses, I’ve started implementing a less rigid schedule, and — maybe most importantly — I’ve rediscovered my sense of purpose outside of performance metrics.

Boundaries gave me back my curiosity. They gave me time to reflect, and the emotional capacity to ask, What do I want next?

Final Thought: Boundaries Aren’t a One-Time Fix

Setting boundaries isn’t something you do once. It’s a daily practice — especially in fast-paced, high-demand environments like sales. There will be times when you overextend again. There will be people who test your limits. That’s okay.

The key is to notice when you’re drifting back into old patterns and gently pull yourself back. Progress isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being aware.

If you’re a new employee or established professional reading this, I hope you take this to heart: You don’t have to burn out to prove your worth. You don’t have to say yes to everything to grow. You can be ambitious and well.

Your boundaries aren’t just about protecting your time — they’re about protecting your future.

Want more support in setting healthy boundaries while getting results? Let’s talk at www.arcana17.ca. You don’t have to figure it out on your own.